First Gift

During creation, “God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper fit for him’” (ESV, Genesis 2:18).

It seems God wanted to make sure Adam knew it was not good to be alone and needed a helper, so He brought every living creature forward for Adam to name and Adam would have been hard pressed not to notice they always came in pairs – male and female. God also had Adam name them as Adam had dominion over them. The Bible says it this way, “And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him” (Genesis2:19b-20).

עֵזֶר

The symbols above occur in the Genesis 2:20 and are commonly translated as helper or help meet and you will find it in Strong’s Concordance with a transliteration of “ezer.” It is the very first time it occurs in the Bible. In Strong’s it is preceded by and followed by “Ezer.” In the entry that follows in Stong’s, it has the same exact markings below the letters, while the preceding entry has the three dots under the third letter as under the second letter above. Nonetheless, in both cases we are told Ezer = “treasure” and operates as a proper noun – a male name.

In Psalms 33:20, 70:6, and 115:9 the help provided is by or from God.

This is important because the woman, Eve, is a gift from God to Adam. She is his treasure. She completes him. She is no ordinary gift. She is a divine gift, from God to Adam.

When God made Adam, He formed him from the dust as a potter would create a pot from clay. When God made Eve from Adam’s flesh and bone, He built or erected her as a house is erected, so Eve was created much differently than Adam was. Perhaps because she would give birth to new life – this is implied in the use of the same word for her to build a family by giving birth (Gen 16:2 and 30:3).

Adam seemingly gets that Eve is special, built by God for him because when God brought her to him, Adam said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:34a) is here. Note how he makes the statement, “This (Eve), at last, finally, is here” (paraphrasing). He knows. To state “at last” tells me he has been waiting for her, his treasure and helper given by God.

I believe the above has tremendous implications for us men (me) when it comes to how we view and treat our wives. It has changed how I look at my bride of 40 years and how I treat her now that I recognize her as a divine gift from God.

According to God’s word, my wife, a divine gift to me, completes me and with her I am made complete. This is a game changer in our marriage.

DQ and Glass of Water

This week I had to answer a discussion question (DQ) for a systematic theology class. The question brought to mind a vignette my sister wrote about 5 years ago concerning our mother and father. That piece of writing is below.

The DQ of interest came in two parts, “Why is it so important to recognize that God did not create us originally as individuals but as part of the community (male and female)? What are the implications of this view?”

I didn’t like or agree with the question and answered as follows, The premise of the question is wrong because God DID create us originally as individuals and as part of the community - initially the community of marriage, of relationship with God, and of relationship with the world. What are the implications of this view? A marriage does not work with the two individuals involved - until/unless each is submitting something of themselves to the community of the marriage. The same is true of anyone's relationship with God - the individual must submit something of their self to make that relationship work (God has already submitted his Son). While God has relationships with marriages, families, and churches - it is always through the individuals involved. No one will ever stand for or with another in front of God on judement day - no one except Christ. Loving one's spouse, family, community, and church as God would have us love them requires first a submission to God. Through this an individual or a marriage or a church community can bring more people to see and have God in their lives. This can have enormous impact on others as indicated by the short story below.

Glass of Water (by Carolyn J. Abbey)

It was a Tuesday night and I stopped to see my aging parents. They were getting ready for supper and insisted that I stay. My husband had a meeting and my children were old enough to fend for themselves, so I agreed. I helped my momma to get the meal on the table and I smiled at how there was always enough for whoever stopped by.

As I set the table, I asked momma what she wanted to drink. “Ice water” she responded. Then I asked daddy what he wanted. He said, “I will share your mom’s glass of water.”

We sat down to eat and I looked at this couple who had been married almost 58 years. They always sat in the same seats next to each other. Their routines were well established and comfortable for them. Sometimes the table was silent, other times it was full of discussion. Always they seemed interested in what was going on in the lives of their children and grandchildren. They often had news from their siblings. World issues might be brought up in conversation. Political discussions could be heated, but they also gave room for differences of opinions, if only everyone would agree that daddy was right.

I watched as momma moved her glass of water between her and daddy so it was an easy reach for both of them. As we visited I found myself watching them and wondering “when did they start to share one glass?” I thought about all of the years they had built their lives together while they raised six children. I looked at my parents knowing they had survived many hardships as well as joys in their lives, and I marveled at the simplicity and comfort of their love.

Somehow that glass of water symbolized so much more than a drink divided between two people. It signified their love, their commitment, their oneness. I found myself in awe as I experienced the plan of God for a marriage in this simple glass of water shared between two. Just as the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are one, but separate beings, so a married couple should be one yet separate. I was humbled as I saw the purity of love as I sat in their presence. Once again, without knowing it, my parents taught me a valuable life lesson by simply sharing a glass of water. When I left that night I knew I had seen God in this world.

(Note by Riley - our father died, October 2010, about 4 years later. His only concern in his last weeks was to have us promise to take care of Mom. We are keeping our promise and doing that.)

My Bride

It was an informal business dinner and there were six of us, two from out of state. My wife had not met the two from out of state, so I introduced her. “Chuck, Adrienne – this is my bride Sharon. Sharon,this is Chuck and Adrienne.” Everyone had a good meal and almost everyone told at least one good story and that was that, or so I thought.

A day later, I receive an email that said, “I like how you refer to Sharon as your bride. Where did that come from?”

Blank. Blank. Blank. Then blink … some of it started coming back.

As it is coming back, being an engineer and having a love for detail, I looked up the definition and synonyms for bride. The synonyms for bride are wife, spouse, partner, mate, helpmate, new married woman. Well all of those fit except the last one as we are approaching 39 years of marriage.

Then I ran the definition for bride and it was no help: a woman is about to be married or has recently been married. Okay, I think I will stick with the synonyms instead of the definition. As it is I simply like the feeling of affection behind the phrase, my bride, and it seems to add a sort of respect for our marriage and in some ways it remains new and fresh.

It helps to remember we eloped all those years ago, but it was only 14 years ago we got married in a church ceremony and dedicated our marriage to Christ. In that ceremony, bridal gown, tuxes and everything as if we were just getting married. It was the same as when a man first marries and sees his ‘bride’ as a gift. In this marriage ceremony, her father gave her away (and finally forgave us for eloping). He gave her to me! You have seen it on tv or in an actual ceremony where the pastor asks, “Who gives this bride/woman to this man?” Usually it’s a father, uncle or brother who gives the bride to the groom.

Oh, and one of my brothers, who couldn’t believe I had such a great catch and over the years would always ask me during a visit or phone call, “How is your bride doing?”

One additional thought that applies here. I had taken Christ’s command to love your neighbor as yourself to heart. Not so easy in practice, but in thinking about it, I asked myself who my closest neighbors were. Simple answer, my family. And the closest neighbor within my family – my wife, my bride. So If I was going to love my neighbor I was going to start with my closest possible neighbors and work my way outwards.

This had made a real difference not only with my bride, but with our children, our friends, our extended families. And in difficult times, I have only to remind myself, my bride is my closest neighbor and she is a gift from God to me for things to begin to get better.

Finally, it’s kind of simple, I just like it and so does she. So if we ever meet, don’t act too surprised when I introduce her saying, “This is my bride, Sharon.”

Married and then some

My bride's name is Sharon. This July 27th will mark 39 years of marriage. We got married before we knew God. Something difficult to imagine now. In fact we had only been dating about 8 weeks when I asked her, "Do you want to get married in one week or two weeks." It was two weeks!

Years later found out she thought I was going to ask her to go steady. Little did she know I had fallen in love with her over a year earlier when I first laid eyes on her. God had put her in my heart. But, she was dating my best friend. Finally they broke up and like a good friend - I waited 2 weeks to ask her out. After that I didn't waste any time.

We eloped on a Wednesday morning and got married in Marshall, TX. She was a military brat living on Barksdale AFB, LA and I was living in Bossier City, LA. And we got married in a fever not having the slightest idea on how to make it work.

But back to marriage.

Marriage gets better the longer it lasts ... if you make it past the first 10 years. Why do I say that? Sharon and a few other women were talking about marriage at church one Saturday afternoon. One of the ladies said, "I just can't figure my husband out and we have been married 8 years." Sharon and another lady started laughing, both said the first 10 years are the hardest. I didn't know that, although I can acknowledge their were some big rough spots in those years - and fewer in the years that followed.

Anyway, the point is, sometimes a marriage has to cook for 10 years or so before you know if it is going to last or not according to these women. There may be some truth to that. I would like to think so.

I know ours has been getting better each year for some time, at least on my end. Maybe that's because I see Sharon more and more as a gift from God in my life. I am grateful to God for the gift of Sharon and grateful to Sharon for sticking it out when I was way short of being a keeper.

End.